Church Girl

I grew up in a Baptist church in Colorado. A congregation that was coated in the desire of Black folks to be seen in a world, a country, and most uniquely a city and state that didn’t see their glory, especially in the early 2000s.

This is where I learned to hold things sacred. Yes, I learned about Jesus and the practice of Christianity, and at eight I stood in front of the congregation and declared my devotion to his teachings. It would take me many many years to understand what it meant to be a follower of Jesus but what I was a witness to at eight - the sacredness of Black people and the glory in our communion.

My mother and I made an extra effort on Sunday to look beautiful. There was a deliberateness to the way she combed my hair on Sundays. She knew I would be seen, for better or worse, and seen with a gaze that could hold me in my fullness. It was the ritual of the church that taught me some things are set apart, some things are sacred.

I understood that there were people, practices, and rituals that should be approached with a seriousness that can withstand difficulty and hold steady through challenges. These things are not easy but are deliberate a challenge, and what I can lean into, to grow.

We should approach these things with absolute love and care. As I grew older, I used this template to expand the things I hold sacred. I have been one who, driven by trauma, has run from holding things sacred. Trauma makes you obsessive and fearful about the fragility of things, so my thinking was if I didn’t hold anything sacred, nothing could harm me. It took me years of therapy to accept-there is no avoiding pain in this lif,e so you may as well approach it with absolute tenderness. Cultivate a well of wisdom to get you through the pain, to make it easier to endure, and it won’t be twinged with regret that you didn’t do your best.

Many of us who grew up in church left the church with more of an example of who Jesus is not-more than who he is. But what we did learn was to hold ourselves and each other sacred. And that is, perhaps, the greatest example of Jesus there is.